


Mon Coeur S'ouvre à ta voix

by edema_ruh



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Arguing, Cheesy, Coughing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dehydration, Emotional Constipation, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Fainting, Fever, Flu, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Pining Enjolras, Sick Character, Sick Grantaire, Sickfic, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Worried Enjolras, taking care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7293241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edema_ruh/pseuds/edema_ruh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras finds out he has feelings for Grantaire a little before he finds out the man is very sick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mon Coeur S'ouvre à ta voix

It all started with a small cough on June 19th, which, despite being small, still drove Enjolras mad. 

Actually, everything Grantaire did drove Enjolras mad, so that was probably why the leader dismissed the tiny choking sounds Grantaire was emitting from the back of the room with an eye roll. He had no feeling of friendship towards Grantaire – the man seemed to only attend to ABC meetings with the sole purpose of annoying Enjolras and mocking him publicly, and the latter was the one thing Enjolras could not stand, from anyone -, so that was why he didn’t even bother to look back when the cynic excused himself earlier than usual and left through the back door of the Musain. 

Enjolras stopped Joly, who was already fussing and looking like was about to get up, with a steady gaze. The man obliged, despite looking conflicted, and sat back on his chair. Enjolras proceeded with the meeting, even if the abrupt way Grantaire left seemed to destabilize him a little. 

He could like Grantaire, if the man would just stop putting so much effort into being a complete pain in the ass. He had so much potential – he hated when Enjolras told him that – and could reach so far if he only tried – he also hated when Enjolras told him that - , but he was always letting the booze and small pleasures get in the way of his personal achievements. Enjolras couldn’t understand that. How could a person as intelligent, enlightened and witty as Grantaire throw his life away with alcohol and cynism? That was the thing that annoyed Enjolras the most. 

He had tried to make Grantaire see what he was losing during the first months of their friendship, but whenever he approached the subject the cynic cut him off with a snarky remark and a chug off his bottle, as if to make a point at Enjolras' face. Enjolras gave up after a while, deciding it wasn’t worth his time and effort. 

Enjolras hated giving up. He _never_ gave up on anything. He was stubborn like that. 

But Grantaire made him do things he never did before, which was another thing that annoyed him about the man. 

Enjolras never felt quite so helpless around anyone as he felt around Grantaire, as if he needed to expect a verbal blow any minute and defend himself. When he was with Grantaire, Enjolras never let his guard down. He never knew when the man would try to start a discussion with him, and he always had to choose his words carefully as if not to give him any opportunity to misinterpret them and mock Enjolras. It never worked, despite Enjolras' greatest efforts; Grantaire always seemed to find a way to get on his bad side no matter how Enjolras tried and prepared himself not to be taunted. 

Enjolras also never found himself at a loss for words, unless when he was with Grantaire. He was the only person Enjolras ever met that could effectively shut him up, sometimes so abruptly that Enjolras himself couldn’t help but to gape at his own silence. Grantaire might be a useless drunkard, but even when inebriated, he had a smart mouth. Actually, Enjolras wasn’t sure he knew what Grantaire's mouth sounded like when he was sober. He couldn't remember ever seeing the cynic without a half-drunk bottle of something alcoholic, and they rarely met outside meetings. 

And no one could get on Enjolras' bad side as quickly and effectively as Grantaire could. Enjolras wasn’t a hot-headed person, even if he usually wore a "grumpy face" (according to Courfeyrac) and a "permanent scowl" (according to the rest of the Amis). He was actually quite level-headed, prefering to deal with his problems with calm conversations than with mindless yelling that he might regret later. 

Well, unless the problem was with Grantaire. 

They were always fighting. _Always_. It was something Enjolras had grown used to – he didn’t even feel the same anger he did when Grantaire first attended meetings anymore -, and he was sure Grantaire grew used to it to. It was a regular occurrence at the Musain: Enjolras would start delivering a speech about anything, Grantaire would make a sarcastic comment halfway through it, Enjolras would retort with an eyeroll, Grantaire would present arguments to distabilize Enjolras', sometimes he would win, sometimes he wouldn’t, then Enjolras would allow harsh words to escape his mouth and Grantaire would either shut up for the rest of the meeting or leave and only appear on the next one. It had become basically routine for them. 

The fact that Grantaire hadn't interrupted Enjolras on that June 19th made a wave of relief fill Enjolras. He had grown used to Grantaire's scoffs and comments – sometimes, his counterarguments even helped Enjolras to establish a more coherent line of thought - , but this meeting regarded a very important protest the Amis were planning for August and Grantaire interrupting him on that day would only make him angrier than he usually got. Enjolras would probably be blatantly cruel to him just because he could, and despite what everyone thought, he didn’t particularly enjoy hurting Grantaire's feelings, no matter how annoying he got. Enjolras considered him as a friend, and he was well aware of where the line of acceptable rude comments ended and became purposefully mean personal attacks. Enjolras barely resorted to the latter, hating the look of deep hurt that always appeared on the back of Grantaire's eyes whenever that happened. 

Enjolras mentally shrugged as the meeting ended and his friends said their goodbyes as they left the Musain. The important plans he needed to discuss had been resolved, and he could go back to his bickering routine with Grantaire. Enjolras would never admit it to himself, but he actually quite liked his little discussions with the man. They made the meetings more interesting anyway. 

He looked forward to the next meeting. They would talk about a new law that passed on congress and brought on LGBTQA+ rights. It was Grantaire's favorite topic of discussion (not that Enjolras kept track of that or anything). 

- 

On June 22nd , though, Enjolras frowned in disappointment as he presented the meeting topic and Grantaire didn’t even stir. 

Enjolras even repeated the topic, as if he hadn't been clear enough on the first time, looking directly at Grantaire as if he expected to magically urge a reaction from the man. Grantaire had his elbow leaned on the small table in front of him, head dropped heavily on one hand, eyelids half-closed in either boredom or tiredness – Enjolras couldn’t tell. Combeferre cleaned his throat subtly when Enjolras spent over ten seconds staring silently at Grantaire's figure, and the leader blinked a few times as if he had just woken up from a trance. 

He went on with the meeting, interacting a few times with Combeferre, Courfeyrac or Feuilly, and sparing Grantaire a few confused looks ever-so-often. The cynic seemed to be at the same position he was when he first arrived, except that his head looked like it was about to slide from his hand and collide with the wooden table any moment now. 

When the meeting was nearing an end and Grantaire hadn't spoken a single word, Enjolras approached him and prodded his shoulder harshly with two fingers. Grantaire's head fell, as Enjolras had expected, but he managed to stop it in time from colliding with the table. He then looked up at Enjolras with glassy eyes that blinked sluggishly, taking a few moments to focus on the figure standing beside him. 

"How can I help you, o fearless Apollo?" He asked, voice hoarse, the tease sounding half-hearted. "What brings you here, to the realm of mere mortals, at thi-" 

"Am I boring you?" Enjolras interrupted with harshness. He was aware of the looks he was drawing but didn’t take his eyes away from Grantaire's confused face. 

"What?" Grantaire frowned. 

"Am I boring you?" Enjolras repeated, using the same tone. "You've been half asleep for the whole meeting, you haven't spoken a single word since you arrived. You're not being your usual, obnoxious self, so I assumed that what I've been saying for the past hour must be really boring for you to fall into a half-conscious state". 

Grantaire scoffed at this, hunching over the table and turning his face away from Enjolras'. Only then the leader noticed the absence of a bottle on Grantaire's table.  

"Wow, sorry. I didn’t know the world revolved around you", he said, coughing wetly a few times and smirking sarcastically. "Sure, if I'm suddenly quiet and sleepy it _must_ be because of the almighty Enjolras. There is no other plausible alternative". 

Enjolras bit his lower lip at this, thrown aback. He hated when this happened. He could never predict what Grantaire was going to tell him, and he should have thought better than to let his feelings take the best of him and make him go tease Grantaire without being even ready for all the possible outcomes, how could he let himself do this, specially in front of everyone, what was he going to answer- 

"No, Enjolras, you're not boring me", Grantaire interrupted his thoughts with a deep sigh. Actually, Enjolras just realized, he did sound a little breathless. "I was just a bit distracted, that's all". 

Something unusually childish grew inside Enjolras, and he felt the need to upset Grantaire the same way he upset him by not paying attention to a single word he had said. Enjolras had never felt that need. Another item ticked on the list of things only Grantaire made Enjolras feel. 

"Oh, and what distracted you, may I ask?" He asked, fake-politeness dripping from his voice. 

Grantaire eyed him for several seconds before blinking and responding: 

"I don’t think that concerns you", he finally said, voice still very hoarse. Enjolras frowned at the unusually straight-forward reply, instead of the common bickering that Grantaire would use. 

"Well, I think that if you attend to my meeting and decide to ignore me for the entirety of it, then it concerns me", Enjolras said, not knowing what else he could answer. 

"Oh, _your_ meeting?" Grantaire raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, o fearless leader. I didn’t know you _owned_ this place, or the right to meddle in the personal lives of the people in the room just because they're in _your_ meeting. Sounds pretty capitalist, don’t you think?" 

Enjolras felt something blossom inside his chest and had to gather all his self control not to smile. There was the bickering he had been looking for. But there was something wrong about it, something in the way Grantaire said the words that didn’t sound quite right. It was as if he actually meant it- 

"You know what, Enjolras?" Grantaire said, standing up so abruptly he bumped the table and nearly knocked it over. Enjolras took a step back, surprised at the sudden movement. "I'm done. My life doesn’t revolve around you, I'm not a _fucking dog_ that you feel entitled to get mad at whenever it doesn’t give you enough attention". Grantaire leaned slightly at the table, looking unsteady. His face paled considerably as he stood and there seemed to be a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. Enjolras merely stared, lips parted in confusion, frowning at Grantaire. He didn’t know what he had done wrong, he thought Grantaire enjoyed their bickering, he was just trying to... he... he didn’t know what he had been trying to do, but make Grantaire this mad wasn’t what he had expected. "I'm fucking done, I'm leaving. You can shove your precious meeting right up your self-righteous-" 

"Grantaire!" Joly interrupted, giving his friend a horrified look. He and Bossuet were staring at Grantaire with confusion, but the cynic only gave them a scowl before turning on his heels and bursting out of the Musain, making the door slam loudly behind him. 

Enjolras stared at the now closed door, face inexpressive, reluctant to let the confusion show in his eyes. All the Amis were staring at either him or the door, equally confused. 

"What was that about?" Courfeyrac asked, after what felt like an eternity of silence. "I mean, sure Enj was being a dick, but they're always dicks to each other, right?" 

"I'm going to call him", Joly announced, searching his bag for his phone. "Something isn't right. He never acted like that before-" 

"Don't", Enjolras finally spoke, mouth feeling too dry. His heart was racing inside his chest, but he couldn’t tell why. He turned around, walking back to his desk and not meeting Combeferre's worried gaze. "Leave him be. He must have had his reasons". 

"But Enjolras-" protested Bossuet. 

"The meeting is over", Enjolras didn’t let him finish. "I'll see you guys on friday". 

An awkward silence fell upon the Musain as the Amis stood, one by one, hesitantly throwing Enjolras and Combeferre a week goodbye before they left.  

Whatever feeling of happiness that had blossomed inside Enjolras's chest when Grantaire spoke to him disappeared, giving place to a hollow space that only contained uncertainty and confusion. Combeferre was lingering beside him, ready to offer whatever aid he could to his clearly troubled friend. What happened was so unusual that there was no way Enjolras wasn’t affected or confused by it. 

"Do you want to talk about it?", Combeferre finally asked when the silence between them stretched for too long, and Enjolras shook his head slowly, staring straight ahead. 

"No", he said, voice quiet. "I clearly misunderstood whatever relationship I thought I had with Grantaire. I won't commit the same mistake in the future". 

"I don't think that's it", Combeferre clicked his tongue, subtly ignoring Enjolras' answer. "He never acted like this, he's never that... snappy. Specially not to you. Something must have happened". 

"What do you mean, 'specially not to me?'", Enjolras asked, finally turning and facing Combeferre. The man rolled his eyes as if Enjolras was the greatest idiot to ever walk the earth. 

"Give him some time, I'm sure he'll come round. You didn’t misunderstand anything", Combeferre quickly added. He knew that Enjolras interacted with Grantaire in a way he didn’t do with anyone else. Despite the nasty arguments they had some times, Enjolras seemed happier, more contented. His arguments were even getting stronger. He didn’t want his friend to lose that, or for the difficultly built friendship he and Grantaire had developed to end like that. 

Enjolras only shut his lips tight until they formed a thin line, and threw his backpack over his shoulder without another word. Combeferre followed him home, the two friends enveloped in a familiar silence, and he pretended not to hear when Enjolras smashed a glass against the wall in frustration. 

- 

On June 24th , Grantaire approached Enjolras at the end of the meeting. 

He didn’t speak a word during it, not even as he arrived ten minutes late and threw himself loudly against the chair at the back of the room. Enjolras only spared a look at him at that moment, pretending Grantaire didn’t existing throughout the entirety of the meeting. 

A sense of dread spread on the air of the Musain as the end of the meeting neared. None of the Amis wanted to witness a fight between Enjolras and Grantaire, they could deal with arguments and loud discussions and even mean comments. But fights? That had only happened once, and it hadn't been pretty. It ended with Joly finding Grantaire passed out in a pool of his own vomit and Combeferre tending to Enjolras' bruised and raw knuckles from punching the wall of his room. And from the way things had happened on that last meeting, a fight was about to erupt. 

When Enjolras declared that the meeting had ended – not looking at Grantaire, never looking at Grantaite – Joly and Combeferre shared a worried glance. Grantaire stood up from his chair with some difficulty and stumbled his way towards Enjolras, looking drunk even if Joly didn’t see him have a single drink ever since he arrived. Joly subtly followed, sitting on the table beside Combeferre, closer to the pair. 

"Enjolras", Grantaire called – basically croaked, his voice was _so hoarse_ -, and Enjolras immediately turned on his heels to face him, face stoic as ever. 

"Yes, Grantaire?" He asked, sounding as polite as he could. He sounded like Grantaire was a student with a question about the subject he had just explained, one eyebrow even slightly raising in expectation for what Grantaire was about to say. 

"I... hum", Grantaire said, sounding uncertain. Joly saw through it and realized something he never thought he would witness in his life. Grantaire sounded _embarrassed_. "I wanted to... ah. I wanted to apologize. For my, eh. For my behavior last meeting. It was... uh, it was unnecessary. I was a bit under the weather and didn’t sleep the whole night, so I was a little snappy. Sorry". 

Joly and Combeferre spared another look, confused. They were expecting a fight. None of the Amis expected one of them to actually _apologize_ , none of them ever did. Enjolras was too stubborn to do so, even if he knew he was wrong, and Grantaire was too proud. 

Even Enjolras seemed thrown aback by Grantaire's apology, because he gaped at the cynic for a few seconds, confusion clear in his eyes, before he finally replied. 

"It's ok", Enjolras finally said, ears red. "Uh, don't worry about it. How are you?" 

Grantaire frowned in confusion, and Enjolras scratched the side of his eyebrow as he always did when he found himself nervous. 

"I mean", Enjolras quickly added. "You said, you said that you were a bit under the weather last meeting. Are you better now?" 

"Oh", Grantaire said, sounding surprised at Enjolras for asking. "I'm... I suppose I'm better, yes". 

"Good", Enjolras smiled. Actually smiled, tiny crinkles appearing on the corner of his eyes. There were dimples on the side of his cheeks, and Grantaire stared at him as if he was made of solid gold. "I'm glad you're better". 

"Sure", Grantaire said, smiling back as widely as Enjolras. A tiny cough emerged from his throat, but he suppressed it, not wanting to contradict himself. 

The last look Joly and Combeferre exchanged that night was ended with an eyeroll, both wondering how their friends could be that stupidly oblivious. 

- 

On June 26th, Grantaire didn’t show up. 

Enjolras hoped nobody noticed the worry he was trying to hide, but his friends did. His head would shoot up every time the Musain door was opened, and lower again with a frown of disappointment when he realized it wasn’t Grantaire arriving. 

He had never felt more confused in his life. He never cared much about Grantaire before; why was the man's sudden disappearance bothering Enjolras so much? He shook his head as if to send these thoughts away. There was a speech to be delivered and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he kept thinking about Grantaire all the time. The cynic's unnerving habit of distracting Enjolras continued even if he wasn’t present. Enjolras couldn’t suppress a small smile at that, which didn’t go unnoticed by Combeferre. 

"I don’t understand", Enjolras told Combeferre as they walked back to their shared apartment after the meeting. "He never missed a meeting before. I thought we had sorted things out, I didn’t think he was still mad at me". 

"I don't think he's mad at you, Enjolras", Combeferre told him reassuringly. "Why don’t you call him and find out why he skipped the meeting?" 

Enjolras hummed at this, considering his options. He hated making phone calls and only did so when absolutely necessary and unavoidable. The prospect of hearing Grantaire's voice, even if through a speaker, made the idea more apaling to him, though.  

But what would he tell Grantaire? He couldn’t tell him that he worried about his absence, that would be too... obvious. He wasn’t sure what he felt about Grantaire yet, he didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Combeferre rolled his eyes at Enjolras when he told him so. 

"Enjolras, he's your friend", Combeferre explained patiently as he twisted the doorknob of their front door and entered the apartment. "There's nothing wrong about telling him you were worried about his absence. You _did_ worry, didn’t you?" 

"I did", Enjolras bit his lower lip, dropping his backpack on the couch.  

"So? What's the matter?" 

"I don’t want him to know that", Enjolras said, turning his face away from Combeferre's. 

"Why not?", he could hear the frown on Combeferre's tone. 

"Because... because I...", Enjolras stuttered. He didn't know what else to say, and an awkward silence fell upon the pair. But Combeferre didn’t do awkward silences. He put his bag down beside Enjolras' backpack and sat on the couch, staring at his friend until he did the same. The tip of Enjolras' ears were red, and his eyes were looking anywhere but at Combeferre. 

"Enjolras", Combeferre called, and waited patiently until Enjolras finally looked him in the eyes before he spoke. "Do you want to talk about this?" 

"There's nothing to talk about", Enjolras replied with stubbornness. 

"Yes, there is", Combeferre responded, sounding like a reprimanding father. "I have never seen you this distracted during meetings, and there is clearly something going on between Grantaire and you". 

"There's _nothing_ going on between Grantaire and me!" Enjolras immediately protested, sounding horrified. 

Combeferre raised an eyebrow as if to make a statement. Enjolras lowered his head in embarrassment. 

"Enjolras, you're my oldest friend", Combeferre said, reaching to touch Enjolras' knee reassuringly. "You know I won't judge you for being honest with me. I am here for you". 

Enjolras bit his lower lip, looking conflicted. Combeferre hadn't seen him look conflicted about something since they were kids; Enjolras was a man who took good care to have a formed opinion about _everything_. This included parachutes, olives, smartphone cases, the ocean, paper boats and youtube viral videos. To see him that conflicted about something could only mean that something was wrong. 

Combeferre squeezed Enjolras' knee lightly, to show him his support and urge him to tell him what was troubling him. It seemed like an eternity passed before Enjolras finally spoke; Combeferre's ears had long grown used to the silence in the living room and his thoughts had started to deviate. 

"I think... I think I might have... feelings", Enjolras murmured. "For Grantaire", he quickly added. 

Combeferre blinked, unsurprised. Enjolras frowned. 

"What?" 

"Well", Combeferre shrugged. "I'm sorry to tell you, my friend, that that was a little obvious". 

"What?!" Enjolras asked again, this time louder. 

"Enjolras, you wouldn’t stop looking at the door today waiting for Grantaire to arrive", Combeferre stated matter-of-factly. "And you always smile whenever he even talks to you. And you get all irritable whenever you two fight. And he's the only one who can actually make you lose your temper. And you-" 

"Ok", Enjolras interrupted, closing both eyes and covering them with the ball of his hands, as if he had a headache. "I get it". 

"What do you intend to do about these feelings?" Combeferre urged. 

Enjolras looked at him as if he had grown a second head. 

"Nothing", he said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. 

"Why not?", Combeferre frowned. 

"Well, he clearly doesn’t like me back?" Enjolras said, condescending. "I won't humiliate myself by declaring my unrequited feelings for him. He would mock me for ages". 

Combeferre gaped at Enjolras, a look of pure shock and disbelief on his face. 

"What, what is it?" Enjolras asked, suddenly impatient. 

"Enjolras", Combeferre spoke slowly and clearly. "You think Grantaire doesn't like you back?" 

"No, I _know_ that", Enjolras said, rolling his eyes obnoxiously.  

"Sorry", Combeferre said, standing up and looking shell-shocked. Enjolras frowned, not knowing what he did to make his best friend react like that. "I need to do something. I'll be right back". With that said, he disappeared into the hall and soon Enjolras heard the sound of his bedroom door being closed. 

Still frowning, Enjolras pulled out his phone. He didn’t think he could follow Combeferre's advice and call Grantaire, not now that he had come clear with his feelings and admitted that he liked him.  

But he could always text him, couldn’t he? 

Enjolras' fingers hovered above the screen as he wrote and re-wrote the message he wanted to send to Grantaire. When he finally decided it was good enough (after erasing everything and re-typing at least three times), he hit send, biting his lower lip in anticipation. 

 **T** **o:** **Grantaire** **(21:17) Couldn’t find a place in your busy schedule to attend to tonight's meeting?**  

The message was perfect. It contained the precise amount of teasing that they were used to – Enjolras was _used_ to it, even if he pretended not to like it – and subtly asked Grantaire what Enjolras wanted to know. 

Grantaire's reply came at the same time Combeferre returned to the living room, looking calmer. 

 **From:** **Grantaire** **(21:20) Sorry Apollo. I slept through it, I was super tired**  

Enjolras rolled his eyes and locked the screen, looking up at Combeferre. He honestly expected a better excuse than 'sleeping through it'. 

"Courfeyrac is coming over", his best friend announced. "He can deal with this better than I can". 

"Deal with what?" Enjolras frowned at the same time his phone buzzed with a new text. 

 **From:** **Grantaire** **(21:21) Did you miss me? ;-)**  

Enjolras felt his ears warm up with embarrassment and blocked the screen again. Combeferre was gazing at him, knowingly. 

"You didn’t answer me", Enjolras said, shoving the phone back into his pocket as if it would put an end to the subject. 

"You'll know when he arrives", Combeferre smirked. "Are you talking to Grantaire?" 

Enjolras' ears got warmer – was that even possible? - and he avoided Combeferre's gaze, angry. He felt embarrassed and humiliated, and a sudden thought crossed his mind. 

"Did you tell Courfeyrac?!" Enjolras asked, exasperated. 

"Of course not, do you think I'm stupid?" Combeferre rolled his eyes. "If I told him, half of the city would know in less than a day. No, I just asked him to come over, I'll leave the hard job of telling him to you, if you want to". 

"Wow. Thank you", Enjolras said sarcastically. 

Courfeyrac arrived in less than 15 minutes, a plastic bag filled with snacks in one hand and three different DVDs on the other. They were all Disney movies, which made Enjolras immediately lose interest on them, but he knew that even sitting through Finding Nemo with Courfeyrac would be better than talking about what Combeferre wanted him to. 

"So, what made you cats summon me here on the middle of a sunday night?" Courfeyrac asked after he put the movie on the DVD player and sat on the middle of the couch, one arm thrown on the rest behind Enjolras' head and the other lightly stroking Combeferre's arm. 

Combeferre eyed Enjolras carefully, not wanting to say anything the man might not consent to share. 

"We just wanted to have your company", Combeferre said after Enjolras remained silent for too long. "We were feeling a bit lonely and thought that you-" 

"I have feelings for Grantaire", Enjolras interrupted suddenly, staring straight ahead at the TV screen. Courfeyrac choked on his drink, making soda fill his nostrils and spill all over his lap. Combeferre covered both eyes with one hand. 

" _WHAT?_ " Courfeyrac basically screamed, pure shock written all over his face. Enjolras stared with just a bit of disgust at the soda still leaking from his nose. 

"You heard me", Enjolras said, more embarrassed than he ever felt. He tore his eyes away from Courfeyrac. 

"But!!" He protested, sounding excited for some reason. "Since when? Are you serious? Oh my god, R will be so-" 

"He doesn’t think Grantaire likes him back", Combeferre intervened. "Which is why he refuses to tell him about his feelings". 

Courfeyrac's shock vanished completely from his face as he stared at Enjolras with a blank expression. 

"What?" Enjolras snapped. 

Courfeyrac raised a hand and placed the back of it against Enjolras' forehead. He then pulled Enjolras' jaw down as if to check his tongue, and proceeded to knock harshly at Enjolras' skull as if to check if it was hollow. 

"Ouch", Enjolras protested, leaning away from Courfeyrac and pushing his hand. "What was that for?" 

"Are you feeling ill, Enjolras?" Courfeyrac asked, delivering his best impression of Joly when he entered doctor mode. "Anything that may impair you eyesight or judgement?" 

"What do you mean, Courfeyrac?", Enjolras sighed, rubbing at the sore spot where Courfeyrac knocked. 

"Oh, I don’t know, I just think there is absolutely _no way_ for you not to see Grantaire has a huge crush on you unless you're either having problems with your vision or your brain". 

Combeferre sent a disapproving look to Courfeyrac, but Enjolras was staring at him in pure confusion. 

"Grantaire doesn’t have a crush on me", he protested, frowning. 

Courfeyrac gaped at the same way Combeferre had, earlier. On the TV, Nemo was being captured and taken away by the human, and the sound of the movie was the only one filling the room for a few seconds. 

"It's more serious than I thought", Courfeyrac finally whispered, sounding genuinelly worried. Enjolras rolled his eyes. 

"Grantaire doesn’t have a crush on me", Enjolras repeated. "I actually suspect he hates me". That wasn’t true, not anymore at least. But Enjolras was trying to make a point here. "Why else would he publicly humiliate me, and mock every word I say, and interrupt me during meetings, and say I look like marble, and mock my hair and my lips and my body frame?" 

"Uh, I don’t know", Courfeyrac said, looking at Enjolras as if he was a kid who just shoved an entire crayon up its nose. "Maybe because he's trying to call your attention?" 

"I agree", Combeferre said patiently from behind Courfeyrac. "Though I disagree with Grantaire's way to do so, he is clearly trying to call your attention". 

"But-" 

"Be honest", Courfeyrac said before Enjolras could continue. "Would you pay the slightest bit of attention to him unless he did those things? Would you even bother talking to the quiet drunk guy at the corner of the room unless he was obnoxiously loud?" 

Enjolras bit his lower lip in deep thought, trying to understand Courfeyrac's point of view. He tried to imagine a universe in which Grantaire didn’t interrupt him, didn’t argue with him for petty reasons. He tried to imagine a quiet Grantaire, sitting alone at the farthest corner of the room, bottle in hand, not saying a single word. Arriving and disappearing without ever being noticed, never speaking to Enjolras. 

He had to admit to himself he would rarely have a reason to approach him. 

"Fine", Enjolras admitted, reluctant. "But that doesn’t mean he has a crush on me". 

"Ugh", Courfeyrac groaned, sounding like he was actually in physical pain. "How are you so oblivious? Haven't you seen the way he looks at you?" 

"Take it easy, Courfeyrac", Combeferre reprimanded. "Let Enjolras take his time to absorb this information". 

"How does he look at me?" Enjolras asked, confused. 

"Like you're made of pure gold, or how anyone would look if they had found their soulmate or something", Courfeyrac said, despite the harsh nudge Combeferre gave him in the ribs. 

"That's not right", Enjolras frowned. "I've never seen him look at me like that". 

"That's because you weren't looking!" Courfeyrac basically squealed. "Look, my guy, listen to me. I'm better at this than you, ok?" He sat up straighter at the couch and held both of Enjolras shoulders, looking at him directly in the eyes. "This is Courfeyrac speaking. Me, Courfeyrac, who's had a love life bigger than you'll ever have in your entire life. I know my shit, ok? And I'm telling you that Grantaire is head over hills for you. if that's the only thing keeping you from going to his place right now and confessing his feelings for him then just take a deep breath and go, ok? I assure you he likes you back, just listen to me for once in your life". 

Enjolras stared back at Courfeyrac, eyes wide. They stayed like that for a few more seconds, Combeferre's head leaning on Courfeyrac's shoulder and they both watched Enjolras attentively. 

"But... what if you're wrong?" Enjolras finally asked, and Courfeyrac let out the loudest of sighs, letting go of Enjolras' shoulders and falling back against Combeferre, who held him as if he was a swooning maiden. 

"Please help me Combeferre", Courfeyrac whimpered weakly. "I can't take this any longer. How is this even possible?!" 

"I know, I know", Combeferre soothed, dropping a light kiss at Courfeyrac's brow. Enjolras was looking troubled and confused, frowning at his own hands as he got lost in thought. 

"I... I need some time to think", Enjolras finally announced, standing up from the couch and lingering at the living room as if he was expecting some kind of permission to leave. Combeferre nodded and said: 

"That's alright, Enjolras. Take all the time you need". 

With that, Enjolras disappeared into his room, only a small click indicating that he had closed the door behind him. As soon as Enjolras disappeared, Courfeyrac turned his head to look at Combeferre from where he was lying at the man's lap. 

"How can they both be this oblivious?" Courfeyrac whined, disturbed. 

"I honestly don’t know", Combeferre sighed. "But they're Enjolras and Grantaire, so I'm not surprised. I just hope they don’t shout their feelings at each other's faces during a fight or something like that, it would be disastrous". 

"Oh my god, they're totally going to do that", Courfeyrac said, sounding like he had just discovered a goldmine. Combeferre raised an eyebrow at him and Courfeyrac sat up straight, getting out of Combeferre's lap but still managing to keep the previous closeness between them. "No, I'm serious. I bet ten bucks that they're going to declare their feelings for each other through screaming during a fight". 

Combeferre eyed Courfeyrac warily for a few seconds before finally responding. 

"Fine, you're on". 

Inside the bedroom, Enjolras' phone lied forgotten on the bedside table with an unresponded text as he stared fixedly at the light blue ceiling above him, trying to figure out what to do next. 

- 

Grantaire didn’t show up on the meeting of June 29th, which made Enjorlas more nervous than ever. 

He had hoped to ask Grantaire for a private conversation and then confess his feelings for the man after the meeting ended. But now they were halfway through it and Grantaire was nowhere to be seen. Enjolras resumed his speech half-heartedly and declared the meeting to be ended, subtly approaching Joly before the man could leave with Bossuet.  

"Uh, Joly, can I talk to you for a second?" Enjolras asked, and Joly nodded compliantly, allowing Enjolras to lead him toward the corner of the Musain. 

"Is everything alright, Enjolras?" Joly frowned. "You're looking a little pale. And your palms are sweaty". 

"I'm fine", Enjolras said, shrugging Joly's already fidgeting hands away from his face. "I wanted to ask you about Grantaire". Joly's hand immediately came to a stop, finally getting away from Enjolras and dropping heavily beside his body. 

"Yes?", he encouraged when Enjolras didn’t continue. 

"This is the second meeting he skipped", Enjolras said. "And... well, he's never skipped meetings before. Is he alright?" 

"Actually, Enjolras, I was about to drop by his place to check the same thing. The last time I spoke to him was this morning and he told me he had a cold, but that I shouldn’t worry about it. I was just going to check and see if it's something too serious. Would you like to join me?" 

Enjolras stared at Joly for a couple more seconds than it would be considered acceptable, before nodding slightly. 

"Yes, uh. Yes, I would like that", he stuttered. 

"Nice", Joly smiled, leading Enjolras out of the Musain. Soon the two were walking down the street beside Bossuet, heading to Grantaire's apartment. 

"Don't you think he'll mind me showing up unannounced?" Enjolras asked after a few minutes of light conversation. Bossuet let out a loud, roaring laugh while Joly giggled. They both stopped, clearly embarrassed, when Enjolras frowned in confusion at them. 

"Well, no", Bossuet answered finally, still catching his breath. "I think he'll be quite happy to see you, if I'm being honest". 

"Lesgle!" Joly reprimended, nudging him lightly. 

"What? I said I was being honest", Bossuet shrugged, and Joly playfully shoved him to the side. This made the bald man trip on a crack in the pavement and fall on his face, but he shrugged Enjolras off when he tried to help him up. After Joly quickly examined him and declared that he was fine, they continued their walk to Grantaire's, and soon found themselves standing in front of an old apartment building with a brick wall. 

Enjolras had been to Grantaire's once, to pick up some posters and banners the cynic designed for a protest. But that had been so long ago, and Enjolras had been so unninterested on the loud, obnoxious cynic sitting at the back, that he could barely remember how the man's home looked like. As the trio climbed up the stairs to Grantaire's floor, Enjolras looked around trying to recognize anything that might be familiar. He found nothing. 

A sudden thought emerged at the back of his mind and Enjolras couldn’t suppress it despite of his best efforts. What if his so called feelings for Grantaire were merely an infatuation? What if Enjolras had mistaken them for romantic passion, maybe love, even, when they were in fact just a short-lived crush that would go away, forgotten in a few months? He had never felt anything other than contempt for Grantaire until a couple of months ago, and everyone knew how Enjolras dealt with feelings! He never liked anything halfheartedly and that was either a blessing and curse. He either loved things too much or despised them completely, which was why Enjolras would permanently main someone for a piece of his favorite strawberry pie and couldn't care less if all the olives in the world suddenly ceased to exist. 

(He wouldn’t actually maim anyone because of a pie, but he loved strawberry pie too much to let it go without a fight). 

Doubt and panic filled Enjolras' chest as they arrived at Grantaire's floor and walked to his door. He needed more time to figure his feelings out before he actually spoke to Grantaire; the simple thought of facing the man right there made his blood fill with adrenaline in a desperate attempt to make him leave. He needed more time. He wouldn’t be able to coherently talk to Grantaire like that. 

"Are you alright, Enjolras?" Joly asked, suddenly aware of Enjolras practically hyperventilating behind him. He and Bossuet were staring at Enjolras with worry, and the leader found himself not knowing what to respond. 

"I don't think this is a good idea", Enjolras finally mustered, earning a frown from Joly. They wee standing in front of Grantaire's door now. "I think I should leave". 

"Why?" Bossuet asked, confused. "We barely got here. Plus, R will like to see you". 

"I need to go", Enjolras muttered, taking a step back and turning on his heels. 

"Enjolras, stay", Joly said, grabbing hold of Enjolras' wrist before he could get further away. "We won't be long here. R has just a cold, there's nothing to worry about", he smiled sympathetically. Bossuet knocked on the door, and Enjolras released himself from Joly's grip. He lingered beside the young doctor for a few seconds, unsure whether he should flee or stay. The way Joly frowned at the door brought enough of Enjolras' interest to make him stay, even for a few more seconds. 

"That's odd", Bossuet commented, mimicking Joly's frown. "He never takes this long to answer the door". 

"R, are you there?" Joly shouted, stepping forward and knocking harder on the door. "R!" 

Something inside Enjolras' chest leaped and he found his feet to be glued to the ground. Was there something wrong with Grantaire? Was that why he missed the meeting? He couldn’t leave now, not if he could help. 

Joly was on the brink of panicking when a shuffling sound came from inside the apartment, followed by heavy footsteps and the door lock being shook. Then the door was opened, a pale Grantaire squinting at them from the other side. There were dark circles under his eyes, his curly hair was completely disheveled and his beard had started to grow. He was breathing heavily and looked thinner than Enjolras had ever seen him. He looked... unhealthy. 

"Oh my god", Joly exclaimed, pushing the glassy-eyed Grantaire back into the apartment. Bossuet followed him closely and Enjolras found himself following too, politely closing the door behind him as he entered the apartment. "Why didn’t you tell me you were like this, are you trying to get yourself killed? And you're burning up!" Joly basically pushed Grantaire to the couch, and the man fell heavily on it looking like he didn’t have the necessary strength to properly sit down. 

"You should have called us, R", Bossuet reprimanded, using a serious tone that was unusual to be heard coming from him. "We thought it was just a cold". 

Grantaire opened his mouth to speak but a coughing fit stopped him from saying whatever he was about to say. He covered his mouth with one hand as he doubled over, eyes shut tightly and brow furrowed in pain. 

"I'm fine", he finally croaked when the coughing stopped, leaning back against the couch and eyes still closed. 

"Like hell you are!" Joly scolded, placing the back of his hand at Grantaire's sweaty forehead and withdrawing it as if he had been burned. "Bossuet, fetch me a thermometer. What drugs have you been taking?" 

"A coughing syrup and paracetamol for my hangovers", Grantaire coughed, breathing heavily through his mouth. 

"What the hell is wrong with you, Grantaire? We talked about this!" Joly said, sounding more angry than worried. "We talked about taking proper care of yourself, you should have called! Since when have you been like this?" 

"Uh..." Grantaire frowned as Bossuet reappeared with a thermometer and handed it to Joly, who shoved it below Grantaire's armpit. "A week...? Maybe ten days, I'm not sure... what day is it?" 

"Wednesday, R", Bossuet answered promptly, and Grantaire let out a tiny whimper. 

"Oh no, did I lose another meeting?" He croaked, coughing between words. "Enjolras is going to be pissed..." 

"I'm not pissed", Enjolras finally said from where he had been standing at the corner, unsure of what to do. He took a step forward, closer to Grantaire, and the man's eyes opened widely as if he had heard a dead man talk. 

"Apollo?" Grantaire's eyes took a few moments to focus on Enjolras' form standing in front of him, but he frowned in confusion as he did so. "You're really here?" 

Joly's eyes filled with worry at this – was Grantaire hallucinating from the fever? -, but he didn’t say a word as Enjolras approached Grantaire further and stood directly above him. 

"Of course I'm here", Enjolras smiled reassuringly, more gently than Joly had ever seen. "And I'm not angry at you for skipping the meeting. But I agree with Joly; you should have called and told us we were sick". 

"Didn’t want to bother you", Grantaire mumbled as if it was obvious. Another coughing fit overcame him and he doubled over once more, nearly knocking the thermometer as his entire body shook from the motion. 

"You wouldn’t have bothered us, you fucking idiot", Joly scolded, helping Grantaire lean back and retrieving the thermometer. His eyes widened and he stared up at Bossuet. "39", he said, and that was enough to make Bossuet's face pale. 

"Shower?" Bossuet suggested, seeming worried. 

"Not yet. Fetch me a damp cloth and a fan, if it doesn’t work we'll shove him in the shower", Joly instructed, lifting one of Grantaire's limp arms. Enjolras surged forward and lifted the other, helping Joly remove Grantaire's shirt. The man tried to shrink, looking only half conscious, covering his stomach with both arms. Bossuet appeared with the damp cloth and the fan, looking at Joly and waiting for instructions. 

"Take it to his room", Joly said, standing up from the couch. "R, do you think you can walk back to your room? I can help you if you need". 

Grantaire groaned for a few seconds before propping himself from the couch and sitting up straight. 

"I can do it", he said, sounding – and looking – weak. He took impulse and stood up, looking unsteady. Enjolras outstretched a hand, ready to support him, but never touching the man. 

"Take him to the bedroom, will you, Enjolras?" Joly asked. "I'll get his medicine". 

He disappeared into the hall and into the bathroom, leaving Enjolras alone with a half-conscious, stumbling Grantaire that was heading to his room with baby steps. 

"So, why are you here, Apollo?" Grantaire asked, leaning slightly at the wall with one hand to keep his balance. 

"I wanted to check on you", Enjolras immediately answered, his worry for Grantaire overcoming his previous fear. "You skipped two meetings in a row, so I obviously worried". 

Grantaire let out a tiny, humorous scoff. 

"Hah. You worry about me", he slurred, as if that fact was the funniest, most precious thing he'd ever heard in his life. 

"Of course I do, you're my friend", Enjolras said, not looking at him. He finally gave in and closed the distance between them, holding one of Grantaire's elbows as they walked and offering him support. 

"Am I now?" Grantaire asked, and Enjolras couldn’t tell whether it was mockery or not. He decided to answer honestly. 

"You are", Enjolras said. "And I care about you. Deeply". 

Grantaire turned back to look at him, stopping on his tracks.  

Then Enjolras saw the look Courfeyrac mentioned, a look that made that warm, fuzzy feeling blossom inside Enjolras' chest and rid him of all the bad feelings that were accumulating in his heart. It was a look of pure adoration, as if Enjolras was actually the prettiest thing Grantaire had ever seen in his life. Seeing Grantaire look at him like that eradicated any possible doubt that Enjolras had about his own feelings. 

"Enjolras", Grantaire said, in a tone that sent shivers down Enjolras' spine. To hear his name be called with such love... made Enjolras feel stupid for ever doubting his heart. But then Grantaire frowned at him, lips parted as if he was about to say something but forgot what it was. His gaze became unfocused and, before Enjolras could do anything, Grantaire's eyes rolled to the back of his skull and his legs gave out. 

He managed to grab Grantaire's boneless body before it hit the ground, but that sent Enjolras colliding with the wall as he sustained Grantaire's weight, drawing a loud 'oof' from the leader as the impact knocked the air out of his lungs. Joly immediately emerged from the bathroom, several bottles in hand, looking startled. 

"What happe-" he stopped him self upon seeing Grantaire's unconscious form being held by Enjolras, who was trying to shift the cynic's weight to free himself from his pined position on the ground. Joly started towards them, lifting Grantaire carefully and pulling out a tiny flashlight to check his pupils. 

"He just collapsed", Enjolras said, unable to keep his voice from shaking. "I was helping him to the room and he just fainted". 

"Bossuet!" Joly called, at the same time he helped Enjolras up. "We'll have to carry him to the bed. I really do hope we don’t need to give him a shower to lower his body temp". 

Bossuet appeared at the end of the hall, surging forward and helping Joly to hoist Grantaire's limp body up. Enjolras stood up, despite the pain on his lower back, and helped them carry Grantaire to his room as best he could. The man was dropped on the bed heavily, arms spread and chapped lips parted as he took shallow, irregular breaths. His curls spread gracelessly at the pillow beneath his head and Enjolras felt the sudden urge to stroke them away from Grantaire's purplish eyelids. 

"Is he going to be ok?" Enjolras asked, voice high pitched. His heart was thumping madly inside his chest, fear making his palms sweaty. 

"Turn the fan on, Enjolras", Joly instructed, and Enjolras did as he was told, turning the fan towards Grantaire. The wind sent Grantaire's unruly curls back and away from his eyes, and he shivered from coldness. Joly started placing damp cloths on his brow, on the back of his neck and beneath his armpits, making Grantaire's lower lip quiver. "Someone grab a glass of water so I can give him his medicine". 

Bossuet and Enjolras shared a look, both unsure as to which should go get the water. They both made it to walk to the door, stopping at the same time, until Bossuet said he would go and disappeared through the door. 

"But is he going to be ok? He just fainted, is this a bad sign? Joly?" Enjolras repeated, following Joly as the man fussed around Grantaire. 

"Yes, he will be fine, he must have fainted from dehydration", Joly responded absentmindedly. 

"How can I help?" Enjolras asked, approaching the bed and subtly stroking the back of Grantaire's hand. "Is there anything I can do?" 

Joly looked conflicted, taking a deep sigh and biting his lower lip before answering. 

"I need to go to my place to grab my stethoscope, I don’t like the way his cough is sounding. But I can't leave him here alone in this state, and my place is a bit far from here so it would be better if Lesgle came with me so he can drive me back. Can you... would you stay here with him while I'm gone? I won't be long, half an hour at most-" 

"Joly", Enjolras reassured, placing one hand at Joly's shoulder. "Go. I'll stay with him". 

"Are you sure? I understand if-" 

"I want to stay here", Enjolras said. Joly looked at him with confusion. Before he could ask any more questions, Enjolras continued. "I'll keep an eye on him, don't worry. Just go". 

Bossuet reappeared and eyed the pair warily before giving Joly the cup of water and grabbing a bottle of paracetamol from the nightstand. Joly nodded at Enjolras and turned to take the pill from Bossuet's hand, gently tilting Grantaire's head up and parting his lips gently. Grantaire seemed to rouse a bit at this, drinking the water eagerly and swallowing the pill before falling back at the pillows, unconscious again. 

"I won't be long", Joly repeated. "If he wakes up make sure he drinks a lot of water, he's severely dehydrated. He will probably be confused and groggy, so take it easy on him, ok? Call me if anything, and I mean _anything,_ happens". 

"Alright", Enjolras said, nodding at him and Bossuet as they passed him to leave. 

He heard the front door click close and only then Enjolras allowed himself to let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. Sitting on the edge of Grantaire's bed and taking his hand into his, Enjolras gazed at the man lovingly. 

"Why do you insist on doing this, hm?" Enjolras whispered, taking the cloth from Grantaire's brow and using it to damp the rest of his face. "I wanted to tell you about my feelings tonight, but you had to go and ruin my plans, didn't you?" 

Grantaire frowned a bit, but didn’t respond or rouse. Enjolras resettled the clot on his brow and held his hand. 

"You stupid man", Enjolras whispered with affection. "Why didn’t you tell anyone you were sick? Why didn’t you help yourself?" 

Grantaire shifted on the bed, coughing. Enjolras stared at him for seconds that felt like an eternity, waiting to see if he would wake up, but he just lied there, lips parted to form a small 'o', looking more peaceful than Enjolras remembered seeing him. Now that he thought about it, Grantaire always looked troubled by something, hands never stopping their fidgeting and body never sitting quite still. Even now, in deep sleep, his hands twitched and his brow furrowed, lips quivering from coldness even though his skin burned. 

"Just get better, will you?" Enjolras whispered after minutes of silence. "Get better so I can properly ask you out on a date and make you happy". 

"Tryin' my best, Apollo", Grantaire croaked, voice slurred, and Enjolras' heart skipped a bit. For how long had Grantaire been awake? He stared in horror as the man coughed a few times and swallowed with difficulty, probably due to a sore throat. Grantaire finally parted his closed eyelids and looked up at Enjolras with glassy eyes. "Wha' was that about?" He asked, and Iit was Enjolras' time to swallow. 

"Nothing", Enjolras immediately responded, the filter between his brain and his mouth suddenly disappearing. He didn’t want to declare himself to Grantaire like that, he wanted it to be special. And Grantaire was groggy and sick, he shouldn’t be having this kind of conversation on that moment. "You were hallucinating", Enjolras added, hoping it would convince Grantaire to drop the subject. He missed the way Grantaire's expression dropped and he shifted his gaze away from the leader. 

"Oh", was all Grantaire said, expression blank, before he turned on his side with difficulty, facing away from Enjolras. The cloths supposed to cool him down fell uselessly on the bed, and Enjolras fussed around him, picking them up and repositioning them carefully. "What are you doing here anyway?" Grantaire groaned, eyes dropping close again. 

"Taking care of you", Enjolras explained half-heartedly, still fussing with the cloths.  

"Why?" Grantaire insisted, frowning. Another coughing fit overcame him and this time he didn’t bother to cover his mouth, doubling over on his side and face becoming redder and redder with each cough. Enjolras rubbed a soothing hand on the man's arching back as he alternated between coughing and wheezing for breath, and seeing Grantaire on that state, knowing that he would be better if he had just reached out for help, made a sudden and unexpected anger rise deep within Enjolras. 

"Because you're apparently unable to take care of yourself", Enjolras stated angrily, dropping by the bed beside Grantaire again. "Why didn’t you call for help, Grantaire? Your friends care about you, we would have gladly helped if you had only told us-" 

"Don't", Grantaire moaned miserably, hiding his face from Enjolras' gaze. "Honestly, Enjolras, I'm feeling pretty shitty right now, so it would be better if you could stop telling me how incompetent I am for just one second of your life". 

Enjolras was thrown aback at this, staring in surprise at the back of Grantaire's head for a few seconds. 

"I... That wasn’t my intention", Enjolras said, voice sounding lower in comparison to its previous tone. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm worried about you. You're burning with fever and you have this nasty cough and... you fainted on my arms barely ten minutes ago. All of this could have been prevented if you had just... called for help. Why didn’t you?" 

Grantaire coughed again, suddenly aware of his naked torso. He subtly passed an arm over his belly, as if Enjolras hadn't seen it while he was unconscious. 

"I didn’t want to bother you", Grantaire croaked. "You all have better things to do and Joly worries too much". 

Enjolras frowned in confusion. 

"Do you really think that little of yourself?" He ask, a little louder than he intended. "Grantaire, we care about you. You wouldn’t be bothering any of us by asking for help, I don’t see why-" 

"I'm _really_ not up to it right now", Grantaire interrupted, angry. "Can you just fucking drop it?" 

Enjolras shut his mouth, angrily resigning. Another silence filled the room, and despite Grantaire's small pants for breath, Enjolras couldn't tell whether he was asleep or not. 

"You're the one who's always telling me how useless I am", Grantaire finally spoke, voice hoarse and slurred, barely above a whisper. He seemed less conscious than before. "How I'm always distracting people from the cause". 

Enjolras' stomach dropped at the words, heart tightening. The weight he was aware his words had were the reason that kept Grantaire from asking for help during his sickness. Enjolras' ears burned from embarrassment and he felt the sudden urge to cry. 

"I'm sorry", Enjolras said with sincerity. "I didn’t mean it like that". 

The phantom echo of his words lingered in his ears as the room went silent once more, Grantaire's wheezing breaths being the only remaining sound. Somehow, it didn’t feel like Enjolras had said enough, but he didn’t know what else could be said. 

"I really didn't, Grantaire", Enjolras added after ages, wanting the man to believe him. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were worthless. I will... take better care with what I say in the future". 

Still no answer. Maybe Grantaire did fall asleep, and Enjolras was wasting his dignity and apologies on an unconscious man. 

"I care a lot about you", Enjolras said, in a final attempt at urging a response from Grantaire. He was being straightforward, like Combeferre and Courfeyrac seemed to like and ask him to be. _There's no use in keeping your feelings for yourself, it does more harm than good_ , Combeferre always told him. Maybe Grantaire would like it too, if he was direct with his feelings, right? Grantaire shifted slightly on the bed, but his mop of curls still hid his face from Enjolras' view. "Seeing you like this, sick and suffering, is driving me insane because I want to help you but I can't. And I hope that, when you get better, you can believe what I'm telling you and accept to go on a date with me". 

Grantaire turned around completely at this, staring at Enjolras with suspicion filling his glassy eyes. 

"Do you mean it, or will you tell me I was hallucinating when you change your mind later?" he croaked. Enjolras felt his heart drop to his stomach, gaping at Grantaire for a few seconds. 

"I won't", Enjolras said, feeling more guilty than he ever felt in his life. "I promise". 

"Right", Grantaire said, apparently too tired to turn on his side again and deciding to continue lying on his back. He stared up at the ceiling, breathing with difficulty, avoiding Enjolras' eyes that were still glued to him. 

"I mean it", Enjolras said, taking Grantaire's hand and squeezing it gently. Grantaire's eyes flickered. "I would very much like us to go on a date. That is, only if you want to. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want, but if you wouldn’t mind, maybe we could...", Enjolras stopped talking, noticing the way Grantaire was staring at him as if he was a mad man. 

"You actually want to take me on a date?" Grantaire asked, coughing. 

"Yes", Enjolras beamed, smiling widely, hopeful. 

"Since when?" Grantaire frowned, making a whistling sound whenever he took a breath. 

"For a while", Enjolras admitted, being vague. "But I... uh, I was too... unsure that you would return my feelings". 

Another coughing fit overcame Grantaire, but Enjolras thought he could hear a weak "what the fuck" muttered between each rattling cough. Enjolras suddenly remembered Joly's warning to give Grantaire water when he woke up, and he grabbed the glass from the nightstand, holding it to Grantaire's lips. Grantaire turned his head away as if the glass had offended him and tried to weakly crawl into a sitting position. 

"I don't... need... your help", he said between coughs. Raising a trembling hand, he took the glass from Enjolras' hands, spilling a bit of the water before he could finally take a sip from it. 

"Drink everything", Enjolras instructed when Grantaire made to put the glass aside. "Joly said you are severely dehydrated". Grantaire eyed him with annoyance but did as Enjolras told, probably acknowledging that Joly was right. Enjolras took notice of Grantaire's ribs protruding through the pale skin, and a sudden thought crossed his mind. "When was the last time you ate?" 

Grantaire looked  away from Enjolras, struggling to lean forward and place the cup on the nightstand. Finding he had no strength to return to his previous position, Grantaire stayed there, half-sitting half-lying on the bed, breathing heavily through his mouth and fighting against another coughing fit. His ribs were aching from the amount of coughing and he could barely catch his breath. He could feel Enjolras' eyes staring at him, waiting for an answer, and knew the man wouldn’t drop the subject until he got a proper answer. 

"About two days", Grantaire croaked, and tried to smother the warm feeling that blossomed inside him when Enjolras' eyes widened with worry. Maybe Enjolras did care about him. "But I would just end up throwing up everything if I ate, so that's why I didn’t bother", he quickly added. 

Enjolras didn’t tear his eyes away from Grantaire, he actually stared harder. He looked... furious? 

"Are you trying to kill yourself?", he finally asked through gritted teeth, and his tone showed that he was dead serious about it. 

"Enjolras-" 

"I mean it. I can get you help, if you were, I'm your friend and I am here for you, Grantaire, you don’t have to go through whatever you're going alone, you can-" 

"I wasn’t trying to kill myself", Grantaire coughed. 

"Really? Because I see no other explanation to the fact that you are  _sick as hell_ and didn’t call your doctor friend for help!" Enjolras snapped, getting to his feet and gesticulating widely. "You didn’t eat anything for _two days_ , Grantaire! Are you suicidal or just stupid?" 

"Stop fucking yelling", Grantaire protested, closing his eyes. His head felt like it was about to explode. "God, what's wrong with you?" 

"There's nothing wrong with _me_!" Enjolras said, lowering his tone but still letting his anger sip through the words. "You're the one who's almost dying but doesn’t seem to give a crap about that". 

"I'm not almost dying", Grantaire rolled his eyes. "Stop being so melodramatic, it's just a flu-" 

"You passed out in my arms! We had to carry you here because your body was too weak to sustain itself!" 

"Sorry to be such an inconvenience, Apollo, but in my defense, I didn’t call you here-" 

"Oh, so what if you had been alone, huh? What if you were alone here and passed out and knocked your head on the coffee table or broke your neck or-" 

"Enjolras, stop overreacting, god, what's going on?" Grantaire snapped, annoyed at Enjolras' fussing. "You've never acted like this towards me before. What changed?" 

"I didn’t know you were such an irresponsible, reckless man, that's what changed, Grantaire, I can't believe you did this to yourself!" 

"I didn’t do anything, I caught a cold, it's not like I went around in the street asking for a goddamn cold-" 

"You should have called, you should have told someone you were feeling so bad you couldn’t even _eat_ -" 

"For all that is sacred to you, _stop fucking yelling_ , my head is about to explode-" 

"I've been worried sick about you for the past days and you told me you were fine, if you had just said you were sick I would have-" 

"You would have _what_? Came over and started yelling at me like you're doing right now?" 

Enjolras stared at Grantaire from where he was standing in the middle of the bedroom. Grantaire was panting, brow sweaty, blinking sluggishly as if he was fighting to stay awake. His chest was rising and falling erratically and tiny coughs still erupted from his throat ever-so-often. He looked sick, weak and miserable, and Enjolras suddenly felt guilty for ever yelling at him. The leader felt the muscles of his face soften as he looked at Grantaire, ears starting to burn. 

"I would have taken care of you", Enjolras said, voice so low in comparison to his previous tone that it may have sounded like a whisper. 

Grantaire scoffed, which brought another coughing fit. Enjolras made as if to help him but he leaned away from the touch, struggling to catch his breath. 

"I don’t know what the fuck is going on but it's not funny", Grantaire croaked between pants. "It's really not funny, Enjolras". 

"It's not supposed to be", Enjolras said, hovering with uncertainty beside Grantaire. "I mean it". 

"You never gave a shit about me", Grantaire protested, swallowing dry as if to moist his throat. "And now you're acting as if I'm super important to you". 

"You are important to me", Enjolras said, heart beating madly inside his chest. A sudden courage blossomed in his chest, probably effect of the adrenaline in his veins, and he heard himself saying: "Grantaire, I love you". 

It was as if time had frozen. None of them spoke for a time that felt like an eternity, but was probably mere seconds. Grantaire stared at Enjolras with blank eyes, lips slightly parted, as if he was trying to make sense of what he had just been told. 

"What?", was what Grantaire finally said, breaking the tense silence in the bedroom. 

"I do", Enjolras forced the words out of his throat, trying to maintain a neutral expression that didn’t show how terrified he was. "I love you. I'm aware this isn't the best moment to tell you, but it's... I can't keep this inside me any longer. I've been worried sick about you and I just want you to be healthy and happy, ok? I thought you were skipping meetings because you were mad at me, but now I... I see I should have checked on you sooner". 

Grantaire was still staring silently at him. 

"Are you serious?" Grantaire asked, and there was a softness in his voice that hadn't been there before, an unusual tinge of hope inside his eyes. 

"I have never been more serious about anything in my life". 

"Shit, Enjolras", Grantaire whispered, and Enjolras' heart tightened with fear. Everyone had assured him that Grantaire returned his feelings, which was why he found the courage to tell the man, but what if they had been wrong? What if Grantaire didn’t love him back and he just embarrassed himself in front of the man? Enjolras was starting to panic when Grantaire continued. "I've been in love with you for so long I can't even remember anymore. I didn't think I'd ever-" he had to stop himself due to another coughing fit (he was coughing so much, this couldn’t be right, could it?), and on that exact moment the front door opened, the rushed sound of footsteps announcing Joly's arrival. 

"I'm back!" Joly said, panting as he entered the room with two medical kits in one hand and a bag full of medicine on the other. "Sorry we took so long, Bossuet managed to drop both of the kits on the floor while they were open, and then we had to stop because we ran out of fuel... but here we are. How is our patient?" 

Neither Grantaire or Enjolras said anything and Joly looked at the pair uncomfortably, suddenly aware that he had probably interrupted something.  

"How long has he been awake?" Joly asked, checking Grantaire's eyes again and shoving the thermometer below his armpit unceremoniously. 

"Uh, I don’t know, fifteen, twenty minutes?" Enjolras said, uncertain. Now, it looked like all of Grantaire's strength had gone away, and he was leaning heavily against his pillows, eyelids half-closed. "I gave him the water but he's been coughing a lot". 

"Thank you for watching him, Enj", Joly said, picking his stethoscope from the bag and gently propping Grantaire into a sitting position. "I need to check him properly now, so if you could wait in the living room?" 

Enjolras stared in confusion for a few moments, eyes darting between Grantaire and Joly before he finally nodded, despite reluctant. 

"Alright. Call me if you need anything". 

Enjolras sat idly at the living room's couch, staring blankly at Grantaire's bookshelf. He had more books than Enjolras could ever imagine, but they didn’t catch his attention as much as they usually would. All that he could think about on that moment was the conversation he had with Grantaire, declaring his feelings and having Grantaire tell him he loved him back. 

It was as if Enjolras was on pilot mode, because he didn’t remember ever texting Combeferre on those few minutes. It was only when his phone buzzed with a response that he noticed that he did text his friend. 

 **To:** **Combeferre** **(21:58) I did it. I told R.**  

 **From:** **Combeferre** **(22:00) And? How did it go??**  

Enjolras bit his lower lip. 

 **To:** **Combeferre** **(22:01) He's very sick and has a fever. But he said he's been in love with me for a long time**  

 **F** **rom:** **Combeferre** **(22:01) But did you scream at each other?**  

 **To:** **Combeferre** **(22:01) What??**  

 **F** **rom:** **Combeferre** **(22:02) I mean, did you two talk calmly? Peacefully? Or did you fight?**  

 **T** **o:** **Combeferre** **(22:03) Uh, I... I yelled at him a bit (because he's really sick and didn’t tell anyone!!) but we didn’t fight. At least not when I told him about my feelings.**  

 **F** **rom:** **Combeferre** **(22:04) YES**  

 **From:** **Combeferre** **(22:04) TAKE THAT COURF**  

 **To:** **Combeferre** **(22:04) ?????????**  

 **From:** **Combeferre** **(22:05) Sorry. I lost my** **compos** **ure** **. I am glad for you,** **Enjolras** **, and happy that** **Grantaire** **returns your feelings! Are you coming back home, or will you stay over?**  

 **To:** **Combeferre** **(22:05) I don’t know yet, Joly is examining him in his bedroom. I'll let you know soon.**  

 **From:** **Combeferre** **(22:06) Alright. Give R my best wishes (:**  

Enjolras locked the screen, setting the phone on the armrest. He let his thoughts wander again when another text buzzed his phone. 

 **From:** **Courfeyrac** **(22:12) Use protection ;-)**  

Enjolras rolled his eyes, ears burning again. 

 **T** **o:** **Courfeyrac** **(22:13) Shut up.**  

Joly and Bossuet emerged from the room, Joly cleaning his hand with a napkin. Enjolras stared up at the pair anxiously. 

"So? How is he?" Enjolras asked. 

"Well, it's not pneumonia, thank god", Joly announced, and Enjolras let out a relieved sigh. "I gave him a pill for that cough but if it doesn’t get better in two days I'll have to take him to a proper hospital. His fever lowered but didn’t break completely yet, but I'm sure it will in a few minutes. I'm staying over to keep a close eye on him, but Bossuet is going home. What about you?" 

Enjolras blinked dumbly at Joly. 

"Me?" 

"Yeah. Are you staying over?" 

Enjolras opened and closed his mouth like a fish, not knowing what to answer. He hadn't thought about that, actually. 

"He told us you told him you love him", Bossuet announced, but it only made Enjolras more nervous. He was stuttering now, not knowing what to say, and he was sure his cheeks were flushing. "Don't worry, Enj", Bossuet reassured when he saw Enjolras' nervousness increase. "It was about time". 

"Plus, he loves you back, so there's nothing to worry about", Joly smiled sympathetically. "And he was asking for you. But I must warn you, if you disrupt or stress my patient I'm going to kick you out of this apartment and ban you from this place permanently". 

"He's... asking for me?" Enjolras said, first coherent phrase since Bossuet spoke up. 

Joly and Bossuet shared an eyeroll. 

"Yes, he is", Joly said, throwing himself on the couch. Bossuet sat beside him, passing an arm around his boyfriend's shoulder. "Now go. He's probably fighting sleep to wait for you". 

Enjolras found himself knocking lightly on Grantaire's bedroom door before pulling it open silently. Grantaire was curled on the bed, only his hair sticking out of the covers that were pulled up to his chin. He turned his head a bit to look at Enjolras and let out a soft sigh upon seeing the man standing in his door. 

"Come in, Enjolras", he croaked, still coughing softly. "I won't bite you". 

Enjolras approached the bed and stood directly in front of Grantaire, as if he was waiting for further instructions. Grantaire's eyes were closed and he looked more relaxed than before, but then Enjolras realized it was probably due to the drugs Joly gave him. 

"Will you stand there for the rest of the night?" Grantaire groaned without opening his eyes. 

"What do you want me to do?" Enjolras asked honestly. 

"Lie down with me", Grantaire basically purred, as well as one could purr with their voice hoarse. "I'm cold". 

Enjolras blushed, and was thankful that Grantaire had his eyes closed. He removed his shoes and his jeans, climbing on the bed behind Grantaire and cuddling him. Grantaire's skin was still hot, but at least not as hot as it had been before. He snuggled closer to Enjolras, making a contented noise on the back of his throat, but seemed to tense at something. 

"What is it?" Enjolras asked, breath tickling the back of Grantaire's neck. 

"Your hands are freezing", he complained, taking Enjolras' hands and holding them into his as if to warm them up. It was Enjolras' time to snuggle closer to Grantaire, until they were basically glued to each other, Grantaire's scent invading Enjolras' nose. He smelled of cheap cologne, faint whiskey and sweat, but somehow, Enjolras realized it was his favorite smell in the world. 

"I love you", Enjolras whispered again, just because he could. The fear that had tormented him on the first time he said the words vanished, leaving only a warm fuzzy feeling behind. 

Grantaire hummed contently at this, sinking closer to Enjolras. Enjolras' hand was lying on the top of Grantaire's chest, and he could feel the fluttering heartbeat beneath the skin. 

"Say that again?" Grantaire croaked, smiling, and Enjolras found himself to be bold enough to place a kiss on the back of Grantaire's neck. 

"I love you", Enjolras whispered, smiling. "I love you", he placed one more kiss, this time at Grantaire's shoulder. "I love you", a kiss on his jaw, "I love you", a kiss on his cheek, "I love you", a kiss on his lips. Grantaire seemed a bit groggy but quickly returned the kiss, breathing in deeply as if he was trying to memorize Enjolras' smell. 

"I love you too, Enjolras", Grantaire whispered, looking at Enjolras as if he was the best thing he had ever seen in his life. 

Enjolras brushed an unruly curl away from Grantaire's brow and kissed the spot between his eyebrows. He lied back down on the bed, pulling Grantaire closer against his chest and feeling the man's warmth sip through his clothes and his scent fill his senses. 

He fell asleep like that, Grantaire snuggled close to him, snoring softly from exhaustion and never letting go of Enjolras' hand. Later, when they went on their first date, Grantaire would tell Enjolras that he had never slept that well in his entire life, even with the flu.

**Author's Note:**

> Another attempt at writing fluff (will I ever give up?)  
> If you liked this, leave a kudo or a comment, they make me happy and motivate me ♥ Constructive criticism is also appreciated ;-)  
> You can always find me on edema--ruh.tumblr.com , and I'm also on twitter now! twitter.com/plutoactivist , check it out and follow me if you want to know the progress of my writing ;-)


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